I feel that I have the desire, a very strong desire, to do something great. And I don’t even know what but SOMETHING and it has to be great. But I lack the drive. Is that even possible? To have the desire but not actually do anything? Maybe that’s a contradiction. If I have a desire, and my desire was as strong as I say (or think), I would actually be making things happen. I’d be DOING something.
So, what’s holding me back? I guess that’s really the question. The right one anyway. Laziness? Fear of failure? Fear of hardwork? Which I suppose is the same as laziness.
I think what I really miss is the opportunity to not have anything to think about. I think being in college was when I did my best thinking, my best growing…
I think I attribute that to having so much free time. Free time to slack off and not use my brain for anything but selfish thoughts. These thoughts were mostly about my life. I thought a lot about who I was, how I got where I was and who/where I wanted to be and how to get there.
It’s possible that there’s a time and place for that kind of thinking and college is where it should all be done. But (and I don’t think this is any secret for anyone who knows me) I like to challenge expectations. What if I did this kind of thinking now? When I’m 26 years aged? What would happen then? How would I get to do that? Obviously I need to make money, I spend about 8-9 hours a day using my brain to… no, I spend 8-9 hours a day loaning my brain out to my employers, during this time my brain is working for them and not for me.
Continue reading “Are You There, Brain? It’s Me, Mitzi.”
I’m going public with this.
This letter is written from one of the Professors at my school, San Francisco State University. Read it, it’s not only informative but also entertaining.
::This movie has been edited for TV ::
As you are grappling with the budget crisis that is facing our university, I want to offer you some ideas that I believe will transform our institution and create a new and healthy enviornment here on campus…
Rather than making little cuts here and there, I suggest CUTTING YOUR ADMINISTRATION IN HALF…
Such a move will demonstrate that you are indeed the man of vision capable of making tough decisions that your supporters have claimed over the years.
By letting go half of the 54 admisistrators earning over $100,000 a year, figuring an average of $120,000 with benefits added, will save us approximately $4 million.
I PROMISE YOU THAT NONE OF THE FACULTY, STAFF OR STUDENTS WILL MISS THESE ADMINISTRATORS.
Please don’t misunderstand I am not against them…
On the contrary. I see how valuable they can be… Now, with the beginnings of a growing economy, and with the impending defeat of Bush, they will be eagerly sought out by the business community which is aware of the managerial skills they have aquired under your guidance. [this is me: ha ha ha]
Isn’t it time to correct your overcompensation? Of course this has nothing to do with your performance. But certainly no person in his right mind would suggest that the work you are doing is more important than that of the governer or mayor. Yet you recieve about $50,000 more than either of them. Arnold [The Governator] has given up his salary in its entirety. Gavin [Newsom, our mayor] is returning 15% of his compensation. Don’t you think it would be an admirable step, a sign of real leadership, for you to make a similar gesture?”
Then the last part is a couple more sarcastic jabs at the recent cuts our school went through. Our school fees just increased and will continue to increase for the next couple of years. We also completely cut some of the degree programs. Athletics has also lost funding…isn’t it fab?
Friday: woke up at 6 in the AM and started driving with the family to San Francisco. Arrived at the school at around 2 pm.
Saturday: Went to Target with the family to buy towels and other stuff I might have forgotten. Got back home and met my roommate, Jill. Went to a party that night and then down the street to another get together.
Today: woke up and then attended the SGSF stitch n bitch. now I’m sitting alone in the apartment while my drinking age roomies are bar hopping. it’s cool though, I don’t care, I get to take out the trash…maybe I’ll meet someone cool in the hallway.
I feel like I used to actually have thoughts…not lately, I haven’t had time to think. or maybe I believe that if I start thinking that I will start to feel homesick. I think I just need my own room. I also miss sounds of other people in the house, I miss my TV stations, I miss my Daniel. I’ll bet he doesn’t miss me.
It looks like I will be living in the on campus apartments. Apparently people get confused if I call them dorms, since they are not dorms and are indeed “on-campus apartments.”
I guess I’ll have an interesting experience from it I can only hope that the people I am roomed with will be cool. Maybe I can trade with someone from another room…like a roomie exchange. hopefully.
Anyway, it’s a total ripoff. The housing on campus is so much more expensive than anything you’ll find off campus and you have a small living space that you will be sharing. Whatever, if my parents want me to live there then they will have to pay for it, if I don’t have enough money I’m going straight to them.
I’m finally home and it really doesn’t feel as nice as I thought it would be, heh. I think I just need some alone time. I haven’t been alone for the past five days. You can just imagine how great I’ll feel next semester.
I’m in sf. My head is killing me and my eyelids are magnetically attracted to each other. I had some “special” brownies last night, no I’m sorry, I had one brownie last night and now I feel like terrible.
I don’t do drugs… ever, really. Last night was a little reminder of why. I can honestly say that I hate the feeling of being stoned. I can’t concentrate and I feel (and act) like an idiot. It’s just not for me. I’m still suffering. Last night this girl kept talking to me about life and was trying to explain something and I had try so hard to keep from yelling “Shut up! I don’t care! Are you aware of how many times you just said ‘youknow’?” It was torture.
Good news is that I picked up a license agreement for the dorms, bad news is that I would be getting a double. I saw them last night and it would totally be an invasion of my personal space. I don’t mean to sound spoiled or anything but I am used to having my own room and my own private space. If I’m going to be sharing a tiny room with someone they have to be related, or very close friends.
so I will be looking for an apartment.