Non-Turkey Day

San Francisco was a fun trip. Though, it’s definitely different when I visit with someone vs visiting alone. I had a good time but a weekend is never enough time in the city. I do miss that place a lot.

boring update: I’ve finally decided the dishes that I will make for Thanksgiving this year. The menu is as follows:

Roast Duck with Butternut Squash, Shallots, Porcini mushrooms and Green Beans
Blowtorch Prime Rib Roast
Leek Bread Pudding
Crisped Smashed Roasted Marble Potatoes
Honey Glazed Baby Carrots
Caesar Salad with Croutons and Shaved Parmesean
Cheaters Pillsboughry Dinner Rolls
and Tracy will be making dessert.

Once Upon A Weekend

Oct 2/3
Bridal Shower
Matt & Kim
Dim Sum

Oct 9/10
Bachelorette Party
Bachelorette Brunch

Oct 16/17
Visit parents
Post zombiewalk party

Oct 23-25
Lake Tahoe trip

Oct 29-31
Halloween Party
Sneaky Nietzsche

Nov 6/7
Santa Cruz trip

Nov 13/14
Rehearsal Dinner
(a different wedding) Reception

Nov 20/21
San Francisco trip

Nov 25 – 28
Thanksgiving at parents’

One day I will once again have a weekend in which I have no plans

Live Through This…

and you won’t look back

There’s one thing I want to say, so I’ll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I’m not sorry I met you
I’m not sorry it’s over
I’m not sorry there’s nothing to say

I’m not sorry there’s nothing to say

When ever a relationship ends I turn to the usual suspects to for comfort. My aunt, my cousin, strangers, music, and movies.

My aunt has been through everything I’ve been through but about 10 years before me. We’re undoubtedly different people, but she has experienced a lot of what I’m just now going through. I suppose it’s not so much that I turn to her for understanding and empathy but more for insight and word of what it’s like once I pass through the tunnel. She knows what’s waiting on the other side for me and has the flashlight to guide me through.

I turn to my cousin for empathy and a little bit of that Sex In The City mindset. She lives in New York, Hong Kong before that. Although she is a few years my youth (younger? Did I use that phrase correctly?) she definitely outranks me in relationship experience. This is neither depressing nor embarrassing for me. There are other parts of life in which I hold more experience. We depend on each other for different insight, especially since a lot of the time our opinions are quite varied. I still appreciate her advice and her positive attitude that sometimes I lack.

For some reason I’ve found easiest to open up to strangers when it comes to matters of the heart. They don’t have any background to judge you by and are forced to look at the situation objectively. Sometimes you learn things about strangers in this way, you get a small glimpse into a life they once had if they’re willing to open up. Advice from strangers should be taken with a grain of salt of course, there is the question of credibility and their objectivity is not good for certain situations. Plus, it’s just nice to talk to people and make a human connection with a real emotion that we all share.

Music is an obvious choice for a lot of people. I tend to make playlists of events and or periods of my life. Sometimes I will listen to the same 10 songs for a month and that will become my October 2006 playlist. When I hear those songs it takes me back to that place in my life and everything I was feeling during that time. Time capsules of music. I can’t even begin to describe the healing properties of music but I have a feeling you already know so I will just leave it at that.

A darkened theater makes for a great transportation portal. The only thing you can really see is the screens and then you’re enveloped by what’s displayed on it and what you’re hearing on the Dolby or THX surround sound. Movies are my escape. For two hours I can forget, I can be somewhere else and look at someone else’s life. It can be beautiful, exciting, insightful, confusing, mysterious, and/or hilarious. It’s a mini-vacation. There’s something to be said about going to the movies alone.

I’ve prescribed these things for myself and I’ll live through this.


I guess I never really noticed how much our family dog looked like a rat. I know a lot of people aren’t keen on chihuahuas because they do look rat like.

One of the downfalls of moving away from home is that I no longer get dog privileges. This means I don’t get to call her “my dog” because she never really was my dog. She belongs to my parents. One of the best things about her was that she was like a cat but better. It was like having a cat that was small and would sleep with you and keep your lap warm when you’re reading a book or watching television but without the attitude of a cat. She would ask for your attention but wouldn’t be obnoxious about it. Since moving out I don’t get to call her my dog. Of course, I could get my own dog but that would require me to purchase dog food and pay for medical bills, etc. Pets are expensive. One of the perks of living with my parents was getting to have a free dog. One that I didn’t have to really be responsible for out of duty but just for my own enjoyment.


My Name is __, and I’m a Shopaholic

I took a quiz this morning to see if I am a compulsive buyer…turns out I am. I really could have just told myself that but I just wanted to check by answering obvious questions on the internet.

“They” say that compulsive buying is a disorder and addiction much like alcoholism and smoking cigarettes. “They” say I am trying to fulfill a need – or something along the lines of trying to fix myself using methods that are “destructive.”

So what isn’t abnormal or “acceptable” behavior nowadays?

I wouldn’t say it’s uncontrollable but then again I suppose I’ve never tried to control it. I do feel the need to sell some of my things because I’ve been buying so much. Does that offset any addiction indicators? I would guess there are varying degrees of this disorder, I would say that I fall into having mild compulsive buying disorder.

That is actually a little depressing. It’s not enough that I am indecisive but as it turns out I am never any one thing completely. I’m not depressed enough to actually need medication for it (I don’t think so anyway). I’m not enough of a shopaholic to get myself into a lot of trouble – which isn’t really that bad of a thing I guess. I’m not Chinese enough, according to my mom – I don’t know what she wants me to do, maybe only speak to people in Chinese? Only wear traditional silk Chinese dresses? Tattoo “Chinese” across my forehead?

If I think about it too much it makes me sad to think that I am just mediocre at everything. Not substantial at anything enough to be recognized for it. Not even bad enough at anything to be recognized. Then I start to think “So what? Why should you be any one thing or any one but who you want to be?” And then I feel better. (see this is how I can tell I am not really suffering from depression)

Anyway, back to shopaholicism. I’m not in so deep that I can’t dig myself out. So I guess I just need to realize I am spending too much money and cut it the fuck out. Or I can make money in some other way to balance out the expenditures.

This is the part where I get a hot tip from a friend or relative about some kind of contest where the prize money is just the amount I need to “buy back the farm.” So, what’ll it be? Talent Show? Dog Show? Dodgeball championship? Special Olympics?