Category: personal

Posted on

I Spend, Therefore I Am

Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t partake in anything that general society would call a vice. I don’t drink, smoke, or do drugs. I do however have a bit of a consumption problem. I’ve touched on this here before actually.

I tend to rely on “retail therapy.” The act of shopping gives me time to think through issues in my life (this has to be done alone though) and I think actually buying something comforts me in a strange and round about way. It makes me feel a little better to have stuff. If I just have this one thing then every little thing will be manageable. It doesn’t even have to be something pretty, like a pair of shoes. I could be buying a colander and it would make me think “Okay, now I can wash broccoli easily and I don’t have to worry about it ever again,” or I could go out to the supermarket for groceries and it would make me feel better.

I’m not quite sure where this came from and how it developed but I’ve only noticed it in the past five years or so. I think my mother does it as well, so maybe it’s hereditary? Or possibly just learned.

Anyway I was reading TreeHugger today and come across a post regarding consumption that linked to a piece about our consumption in The David Report. While most of the ideas in the article are not new, it’s still an interesting look at how our need for consumption is affecting to the planet. It didn’t make me feel as bad as reading Cradle to Cradle did though. It’s a little comforting to know that I am not the only one afflicted, how ever it slightly bothers me that now I do not really have a unique vice and that I’m just like everyone else. I just can’t win.

Posted on

Bad News, Good News

bad news: Cassia is moving out.

good news: Cassia and JG are moving into the apt on the other side of the building!

bad news: Jane might be moving out.

good news: Julie might be moving in!

bad news: I’m giving up my big bedroom with the private porch.

good news: I’ll be paying about $200 less in rent while still staying in the same apt!

bad news: I seem to be becoming more of a misanthrope everyday.

good news: It seems that most people I talk to about it feel sort of the same!

bad news: I’m missing certain people

good news: …

I’m not sure if there is any, I mean, Julie is coming back for the summer and while I’m really looking forward to hanging out with her again I know she’ll be gone soon. People seem to come and go from my life and while I do enjoy the time I spend with them I’m always sad when that time comes to an end.

Auntie Evelyn has told me about the whole “everyone serves a purpose” thing in life. There are some people who come and go from your life and others who are there for the long haul. Everyone serves a purpose, either you meet them at a certain point and time and they help you get through something. Perhaps they help you experience something new. In any case they are there, and then they are gone, and that is how it is supposed to be.

While I can certainly appreciate the effort to make sense of something that really can’t be explained but just happens (cause that is life) I kind of do not accept this. I don’t think I ever have, really. Might seem a little sad (or desperate?) but I think I’ve always tried to stay open to people who’ve wanted to stay in touch and it seems that I have a habit of giving people a second chance (or third, fourth, fifth, nth chance) because, well I guess there’s always the chance that they really did change.

Posted on

CA Boom V

There were over 130 exhibitors crammed into (and a little bit out of) Barker Hangar in Santa Monica, CA the weekend of March 14- 16 as CA Boom held their annual trade show. This was the 5th anniversary of the show and my first time attending. The event caters to architects, designers, students, and fans of sustainable and innovative home design. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to catch any of the panel discussions or project/home tours that were part of this event but I did browse the exhibit hall for a few hours and came across some great exhibitors.

Among the exhibitors featured was Varian Designs. This San Francisco furniture company takes reclaimed timber and turns it into architecturally inspired furniture. At their CA Boom booth they had two simple yet amazing items on display, a bench and a table.

The pictures don’t really do them justice but these two pieces were easily my favorite items at the show. When I asked what was used to stain the pieces the booth representative informed me that the wood was taken from wine barrels that previously resided in a Napa Valley winery and the color comes from the wine that have been sitting in them for years. They’ve created something not only beautiful but also purposeful, without creating more waste.

CA Boom pictures on Flickr | Varian Designs

Posted on

Shit just got real.

All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you

One day all them bags gone get in your way
One day all them bags gone get in your way
I said one day all them bags gone get in your way
One Day all them bags gone get in your way

So pack light

-Erykah Badu

My head hurts and I feel like this is all too hard and I can’t do it anymore.

and yet I still just… do it, not in the Nike way. I continue to just go through it like I know what I’m doing. I seem to just follow all the right steps and things are “working,” somewhere between bearable, depressing, and optimistic. yes, it’s a triangle, not a line.

trying doesn’t help. crying doesn’t help. I’m too afraid to stop. What if I stopped this train all of a sudden and it derailed? There would be a big mess. How would I get the train back on the rails? Then I’d be sorry. Then, I know the ball would get stuck in a corner of the aforementioned triangle.

I know I’m the only one who can save me. I know I’m the only one who can fix this. I’m the only one who can make a decision. I can only count on myself. Only me, ’cause in my life there is only me.

But it just got harder.

Don’t tell me life ain’t easy, I already know. I know it can get worse, I know it can get better. I know, I know.