Documenting the constant struggle of soul transformation
Guess who I met tonight?
YES!
Yes, from Road Rules. The embarrassing thing was that my friends told me he was from The Real World. I didn’t have cable growing up so I don’t know these things ok? I asked him if he was “Yes, from The Real World”…now I feel like an ass. Anyway, he lives up here in S.F. and he was standing outside this bar that my friends and I went to. Let me tell ya, he’s a looker.
I smell like smoke…ok that’s all.
I went and saw Fahrenheit today.
When the soldiers were talking about that Drowning Pool song, Let the Bodies Hit the Floor, I was so disgusted. That moment as well as the images of the charred bodies of U.S. soldiers being beaten and strung up like pinatas really stood out in my mind.
I hope that people realize that this is a very one sided view of the story. Well, obviously….it’s Michael Moore’s view of the story. To me it was 80% of trying to make Bush and his buddies look like idiots, 10% gruesome war footage and brainwashed soldiers and the last 10% was uncovering information and links among the government and “the enemy”.
Then we went home and made pizza then went for a bike ride along the beach. Now I’m watching Flashdance and listening to fireworks.
RE: my last journal entry…I’ve decided I want to throw a Survival Movie Marathon. You know get s bunch of people together dressed up in tattered clothes and/or army fatigues, eat food out of cans, light candles, watch movies like
28 Days Later
Alien
Resident Evil
Jurassic Park
but do which if the Evil Dead movies? 1, 2, or Army?
and is Full Metal Jacket like that? I need a war survival movie.
I’m thinking I want to change my major. Right now it’s business, or marketing to be more specific. I just don’t think I have that kind of business personality. I mean I think I might have fun in marketing but I don’t know if I have that type-A personality and cut throat nature to succeed in that field. So what do I do now?
I was thinking of marine biology…I’ve always wanted to do that. I’d have to be in school for a REALLY long time though. Or maybe history and I could be a history teacher, or an interior designer. I really don’t know what I want.
I am alone. It is said that in a urban setting one is more inclined to be alone and live alone than those in suburban or rural settings. Someone living in the city might be surrounded by people but at the same time not have a social life, not have friends at all, alone, maybe even lonely.
Here in my room, like the Beach Boys, I feel safe and comforted. I’m in a room filled with familiar things, things I love, my things. I take comfort in material items, is that bad? I never think of being attached to material items as being a negative because that is how I am.
Back to feeling alone. Actually I’m not feeling alone, I am alone. I sometimes don’t even want to leave my little cubicle of a space but sometimes I dearly wish he could be here to share it with me. It’s such a waste of cozy when I’m the only person here to enjoy it.
The best is when the room is filled with trumpeting piano jazz that keeps night right outside the window and plays off the warm reds and creams on my furniture. Sipping at cocoa or coffee and thinking about snowy fireplaces when it’s the middle of June. Watching old family movies that make me feel young on the inside again.
Being home in bed right now makes me feel the same dead end, going nowhere, boring life nostalgia that made me leave this place. I don’t know if it’s because I’m listening to depressing music or what, but I feel it and it’s scaring me.
My dad was talking about selling my car. I think he very well should. I mean it’s just sitting around depreciating when it could be sold and the money could be sitting around earning intrest.
The back of my throat is still a bed of infection, which must make a certain someone really happy since he gets to kiss me while I’m here. Should I be concerned that it’s been like this for a week and is not getting better? Am I going to die?