Category: personal

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Holiday Plans, Life Plans

Things are starting to pick up now. It seems like Thanksgiving is right around the corner, maybe because it is.

After that will be December and I will be visiting the S.F.

My aunt is buying a round trip ticket to Hong Kong for me during Christmas. I’m scheduled to leave on the 23rd and come back the 17th of January. This is to visit my cousin, Tracy. Me love Tracy. She’s one of the two family members I feel I can talk to about anything.

I might be in Hong Kong for Christmas. Then I will be moving hopefully right when I come back to L.A. and I will be relocating to San Francisco.

I don’t know what goes on from there, besides school I mean.

Maybe I’ll sleep inside my coat and
Wait on the porch ’til you come back home
Oh, right
I can’t find a flight
So I’ll check the weather wherever you are
‘Cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight

-John Mayer

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I Guess I Have A “Type”

I have an affinity for geeky guys. I don’t know what it is about them …not all of them mind you, but there is this library information desk guy at my school. He’s a pretty big geek… but I think he’s cute, like Jason Lee in Dreamcatcher. He played a geek in that movie right?

I don’t know what my deal is. I mean I’m not exclusive to liking geeks or dorks but I do like me some. Or maybe just faux dorks? No, the faux dorks aren’t smart enough, they just dress badly and are “un-faux” cute (Which means that they are actually cute guys trying to be dorky). You know what I mean? Yeah, neither do I.

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Halloween Recap

Dude, I had a great halloweenie. Well it didn’t start out spectacular or anything but it got better as the night progressed. First, we went to see Queens of the Stone Age at the Greek.
Daniel and I started driving to LA. We were late. It started raining. We didn’t have any tickets and were hoping not to get ripped off too much by scalpers. It was damn cold but it was ok ’cause I was wearing multiple layers and planned to change into my costume in the car on the way to the party after the show.

We got there and it was pouring by then. The show started at 7. When we parked it was already 8:50. We parked at the bottom of the hill and trekked up the mountain to Griffith Park… in the rain… with one umbrella… for two people, and it wasn’t made for two. We were already pretty wet by the time we made it to the box office.

At the box office we got lucky. Fourth row seats, center, meaning right up front.  At regular price, no Ticketasster fees, no extra charges. We got in, still raining, we made it just at intermission before QOTSA started. We had missed The Cramps and Tomahawk.

Stood at our seats and then the band came out. Bliss. Then some idiot guy tells us to get out of his seats, of course we argued with him for ten long minutes until an usher finally came and directed him to the seats next to us. I hate that shit. Before you go off on someone, why don’t you make sure you know what the fuck you’re talking about first.

After one of the songs they released what I thought was confetti, but when I picked some up off the wet floor (as mementos) they were red rose petals. Isn’t that awsome?!

Short break. I’m soaked, dripping even. I think the only layer that wasn’t wet was my corset (later I found out that it was indeed wet but I guess I must not have felt it because I was so numb). I seriously felt like dying. I really couldn’t keep my mind off the walk back down the hill in the rain while cars drive by us spalshing us with street water. Even in spite of all this I still had an excellent time. Just imagine how great the show would have been if I hadn’t been cold and wet.

Josh Homme was dressed as a sailor and he sure does like to shake that ass and “show you what he’s working with.” I don’t find him to be very attractive but he was hot that night, maybe it was becasue he was actually hot and sweaty.

Luckily we finally found our friends after the show and instead of sloshing back down the hill we got a ride YAY!

and it had stopped raining! yayyy!

and I got to dry off and put on my costume! YAY!

and then I made Daniel drive YAY!

then we went to the SGLA costume party and it was all good but we had to leave and were home by 1:30.

fun times.

“It doesn’t take a nucular scientist to figure out that it’s foilage”~Marge Simpson

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Snooping around…

will only lead to heartache.

Though sometimes it’s the only way to know the truth and in my case this is always true. Now I want to sleep and never wake up… or just go on a shooting rampage, I think that might make me feel better. I don’t think confronting him about what I found will do any good because I’ve tried that many times and it never works to my advantage or solves anything.

Actually, I think what would make me really happy is if by some kind of divine miracle he started telling the truth. And that he would genuinely feel sorry for hurting me instead of leading me on with “I love you”s and “You know I care for you”s. Lies. Those are just words and they can be said to any other girl at the same time. Which wouldn’t be out of the ordinary.

I’m such a fool! I think that’s what bothers me the most is the many times I found out the truth and then said I wasn’t going back but still did. And believing that he really actually was my best friend and soul mate. It’s the worst feeling when you find out that who you’ve come to trust the most in this world isn’t worthy of having your trust. I’ve found that no matter what I thought about the truth it’s still better than the lie.

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Feeling Not Good Enough?

I feel abandoned. Just because I’m not allowed to go do something I get left behind. I understand that everyone is entitled to their own fun but I hate being left out. I think it stems from my childhood.

I grew up in a city about 6 miles from my school and all of my friends. I never got to do that “hanging out at ____’s house and riding bikes and playing in the clubhouse after school” thing. I was always left out. I only go to hear stories of what happened when I went to school the next day. I never got to hang out with them on weekends because that was “family time” and besides the fact that I had Chinese school and art classes from 9 a.m. to 3  p.m. on Saturdays, so really Sundays were family days.

I wasn’t allowed to sleepover at anyone’s house…and I’m still not. So I was always left out of slumber parties, camping trips, or any overnight trips for that matter. My friends would get to hang out late at the Ice Chalet and go to city sponsored dances (which sounds really lame but when you’re in middle school it’s like the hot club everyone goes to). I could never go, I always had school the next day, or they were going to be out too late or what not.

Anyways, I was always left out of things and no matter how much my friends said they loved me and shit I never felt like I was part of their group. While they were out I would be at home watching TV, alone, in my room. I couldn’t call anybody because everyone was out (duh!) and nobody ever said “Oh I’ll come over and hang out with you” or “I’ll stay home and talk to you on the phone.”

So now when my close friends go out and I can’t come along (not just friends, but boyfriends too) I feel really abandoned and forgotten. I feel like if they really valued my friendship or if they really cared then they would want to hang out with me, even if it is just over the phone. So I get mad and I push them away… and end up alone anyway.

Excuse me, I have to go cry into my pillow now.