Category: personal

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What’s A Girl To Do?

For a very long time I considered myself an analyst, but not in the sense that I get paid for analyzing things. My analyzing is mostly about my own life and romantic relationships.

Apparently I’m not alone, not that I ever thought I was. Today I’ve come across two editorials about just that sort of thing that I’ve been worried about since,  well seems like since I was 13 or so. The Observer has a post about the Cautionary Matron, older, wiser women entering into their 40s either unwed or divorced and “realizing that ‘having it all’ was really a lie.” They learned that their dreams of having a career, getting married, having a family and being successful in all those aspects didn’t really work out the way they had planned – or the way they had been led to believe.

Of course in the middle of reading The Observer’s post I stumbled across Jezebel’s piece on Marcus Buckingham‘s suggestion that women should outsource parts of their lives so they can stop worrying about it. Dear Marcus, I don’t think letting someone else take care of our laundry is going to make us stop worrying if they are going to shrink our favorite sweater.  Though,  I understand his point about the importance of “the now” instead of the past or future.

Still, it all  seems to just bring up more stuff to worry about, the Cautionary Matron article especially. Though it sort of confirms and further cements my hunch that I’m going to die alone. No biggie though, at least I know what’s coming.

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My New Bright Idea #1: Go To Ireland

Warning: brainless post.

So I was thinking about my dating patterns, as I do often, and I picked up on a pattern that I hadn’t really noticed before. I realized that a lot of the guys I seem to be attracted to are of Irish decent. I mean, they have other things in common aside from this, like the type of work they do and their hobbies. Also, I don’t like to believe that there is a “type” for me when it comes to appearances. Looking back though, I suppose the pattern has always been there but it’s never been as obvious as it has been recently, meaning, the past 3 or 4 years.

Well, I figure Ireland must be a pot of gold, so to speak, when it comes to men I find attractive. So… I’ll go to Ireland! Why not? I’ve never been there before. I like to travel. I apparently have a thing for Irish guys. Plus, I’ll have an “exotic” American accent working for me. (side note: there’s a particular scene in Love Actually that comes to mind when I say this)That should go over well, right?

Anyway, I looked up the Ireland tourism website today and it looks pretty boring. I mean, everything I can do there I could pretty much do here in California. So really I think if I did go, I would just want to hang out in pubs with Irish guys watching football and not understanding a word. I imagine I would still be in (if not some suburb right outside of) Swoontown.

This concludes the first installation of the My New Bright Idea segment of the blog. These ideas, they’re unpredictable and usually insane, so stay tuned for more.

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Love : Baggage Claim

Looking for love is like being at baggage claim.

You stand there, watching them go by and every once in awhile you think “Oh, that could be mine.” You get a closer look, you might even take it off the carousel. Eventually, if it isn’t yours, you’ll have to let it go. You have to put it back on the carousel or hand it over to the person whom it belongs to, and go back to watching them all go by, until, finally, you see your luggage. And then you can take it from the carousel, walk out of the airport, and continue your journey.

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Are You There, Brain? It’s Me, Mitzi.

I feel that I have the desire, a very strong desire, to do something great. And I don’t even know what but SOMETHING and it has to be great. But I lack the drive. Is that even possible? To have the desire but not actually do anything? Maybe that’s a contradiction. If I have a desire, and my desire was as strong as I say (or think), I would actually be making things happen. I’d be DOING something.

So, what’s holding me back? I guess that’s really the question. The right one anyway. Laziness? Fear of failure? Fear of hardwork? Which I suppose is the same as laziness.

I think what I really miss is the opportunity to not have anything to think about. I think being in college was when I did my best thinking, my best growing…

I think I attribute that to having so much free time. Free time to slack off and not use my brain for anything but selfish thoughts. These thoughts were mostly about my life. I thought a lot about who I was, how I got where I was and who/where I wanted to be and how to get there.

It’s possible that there’s a time and place for that kind of thinking and college is where it should all be done. But (and I don’t think this is any secret for anyone who knows me) I like to challenge expectations. What if I did this kind of thinking now? When I’m 26 years aged? What would happen then? How would I get to do that? Obviously I need to make money, I spend about 8-9 hours a day using my brain to… no, I spend 8-9 hours a day loaning my brain out to my employers, during this time my brain is working for them and not for me.

Continue reading “Are You There, Brain? It’s Me, Mitzi.”

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Want List

I’d like to take a photography class and learn how to develop my own film.

I’d like to make a demo reel. Just a demo reel of stuff I’ve filmed (which is so far nothing). I went to an Academy of Art student show and watched the cinematography students’ demo reels. I want to make one.